Deep Merge by Linda North

Author:Linda North [North, Linda]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Sci-Fi, Dystopian, space, lesbian novel, Sapphire Books, futuristic, space travel, deep space, lesbian romance, Fantasy, Lesbian, Linda North, Science Fiction
Publisher: Sapphire Books Publishing
Published: 2014-04-14T04:00:00+00:00

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Toni stomped to the sleep room to get her blanket and pillow to take them to the cargo bay. If necessary, she would stay there until estrus, and her resentment, passed. She wanted to find out if the cargo bay was out of their empathic range, and if so, would she experience the emptiness Kaesah had said would happen. If she did have those feelings, she could always go to the infirmary, which was in their empathic range.

After stripping her mat, she dashed out of the arboretum, Kaesah’s remorse hounding her. Later she would return to get her clothes, and might even raid the galley for fruit to take with her for a snack. Kaesah had better stay out of her way when she returned to prepare her meals.

She tramped down the corridor, entered the cargo bay, her anger intensified by Kaesah’s remorse and dismay she still picked up. Apparently, no place on this ship was far enough away for them to escape broadcasting their emotions. She might as well stay in the infirmary where it would be more comfortable. For now, she spread the blanket by a cargo container and sat on the pillow, leaning her back against the container wall.

Not only was she angry with Kaesah, but in a way, Toni was mad at herself. On more than one occasion, she had picked up a vague unease from Kaesah, especially when they were in the infirmary for Toni’s checkups. What she should have done was confront Kaesah then.

She felt hurt that Kaesah didn’t think enough of her to tell her everything about Merge until now. She knew Kaesah sensed this from her. Let her suffer as I do. Kaesah’s misery brought her a certain perverse pleasure. A petty part of her wanted to hold on to this anger forever just to punish Kaesah. But, this anger would leave her. The makeup of her nature never allowed her to carry a grudge. She sighed, resentment already slipping away, leaving behind sadness and uncertainty.

It scared her to think of a future life of bitterness and emptiness. It equally scared her to think of going back to Earth to her old life. She hoped when she returned home Kaesah would come with her, and lend her support as a friend until Toni had her life back on track. No, that wasn’t entirely true. Kaesah was becoming much more than a friend. What she shared with Kaesah, in many ways, was more intimate than what she had shared with Lisa. She was afraid: Afraid to permit herself to take that final step into surrender. When all was said and done, they were literally light years apart.

It was one thing to be the only ones on this ship, dependent on each other for companionship, but another when they reached Kaesah’s home. Kaesah cared for her, that much was true, and liked her. Toni felt her caring warmth. Even so, once Kaesah was home and among her own people, what then? Toni might become a burden and an embarrassment.

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